


Longings

by theArcane



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Knows About Morgana's Magic (Merlin), Bisexual Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Bisexual Gwen (Merlin), Bisexual Merlin (Merlin), Bisexual Morgana, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Good Morgana (Merlin), Gwen & Arthur Pendragon Friendship (Merlin), Heavy Angst, Hurt Arthur Morgan, Hurt No Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Merlin, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lesbian Morgana (Merlin), M/M, Married Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana Friendship (Merlin), Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Minor Merlin/Morgana (Merlin), Morgana's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Multi, POV Arthur, POV Gwen (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), POV Morgana (Merlin), Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining Arthur, Pining Merlin (Merlin), Redeemed Morgana (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25865407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theArcane/pseuds/theArcane
Summary: Gwen and Arthur are married but they are in love with someone else- Morgana and Merlin.Merlin and Morgana are in love with Arthur and Gwen but are scared to hurt them.Basically Gwen knows about Arthur's feelings for Merlin. Arthur knows what is between Gwen and Morgana. Morgana has always suspected Arthur's and Merlin's feelings for each other and Merlin is the most oblivious one.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 160





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place after season 4, after Arthur and Gwen's marraige. But Morgana has been redeemed and Arthur knows about Merlin's magic.
> 
> Based on the headcannon that Morgause brainwashed Morgana the same way Morgana tried to brainwash Gwen in Series 5.

**Gwen**

"Will that be all Sire?"

"Yes Merlin you can go now."

And even though he was holding Gwen, his eyes follow Merlin as bowed and left the chambers, leaving him alone with his Queen. She saw something in his eyes, something she has seen a thousand times before- _longing_. But she didn't say anything- because she knew Arthur saw the same thing in her eyes whenever they saw Morgana. Both of them never said anything- but they _knew_.

It was not that there wasn't love between them. Gwen and Arthur loved each other dearly. But lately Gwen had started realising that this love was not enough to sustain them. She had found a friend in Arthur, someone who was always ready to defend her, always willing to stand up for her. Arthur had found a friend in Gwen, someone who was always there for him, always ready to stand up to him.

 _But was there anything more?_ He was certainly good in bed and they did enjoy laying with each other. But no one could ever make feel Gwen the way Morgana did.

All those years, she and Morgana have slept with each other and no one had any idea. Their hushed whispers, stifled laughter, secret smiles..Gwen would never forget any of it. Morgana was everything to her. Even when she tried to take over Camelot, Gwen couldn't bring herself to hate her or her cause. And ultimately, Gwen was the one who broke Morgana free of the enchantments that Morgause had done on her, thus making Morgana come back to them, all apologetic and regretful.

Of course, Arthur had forgiven her and taken her under his wing. Gwen always Arthur never knew what his sister meant to his wife. But he once let himself slip out one teasing remark to Morgana about their relationship and that's when Gwen realized that Arthur always knew, he just didn't care. The only thing he cared about was his manservant.

Gwen didn't blame him. As much as they loved each other, Arthur was no Morgana and Gwen was no Merlin. They were lovers, but they could never be soulmates.

***

**Arthur**

Arthur knew it wasn't fair to Gwen. Knew it wasn't fair when he kissed her but his eyes always opened slightly just to peek at Merlin standing in the corner. It wasn't fair when he decided to propose her but brought Merlin along for his approval. Knew it wasn't fair when he said his wedding vows to her, but every word in it was meant only for Merlin.

He also knew that it wasn't fair for her and Morgana to remain so far apart because they were scared to hurt him. He always thought his feelings for Merlin were wrong until one day he overhead Morgana & Gwen talk like they were in love with each other and that's when he knew that love can never be wrong.

But there was nothing he could do. If he ever pursues his feelings for Merlin, he would end up hurting so many people. He was pretty sure Merlin considers him nothing more than a friend- at most, a brother. And even though Gwen might not want him the way she did his sister, it would still be very humiliating for her if words of the King cheating on the Queen with his manservant started flying around.

 _No_ , he has hurt enough people in life. He would not hurt the two people he loved the most in the world. He would satisfy himself with peeks and glances.

***

**Morgana**

Morgana couldn't take it anymore. She wanted Gwen in her bad, holding her, caressing her. Whispering sweet nothings in her ears as they joined each other in the most intimate of places.

But she knew it was wrong. She'd already broken Arthur's heart once, she would not do it again. She was determined to prove to him that she could be a good sister. And what kind of sister steals away her brother's wife?

Besides, one day she would have to marry in another kingdom. How could she lead Gwen on and then end up leaving her, again? And that too when she was so happy in her marraige. She can't be that selfish. She won't be that selfish. Gwen saved her once. Morgana would not let Gwen drown with her again.

***

**Merlin**

Merlin dared one glance to where Arthur and Gwen stood, looking at each other lovingly. Gwen was lifting herself on her toes to kiss Arthur. Arthur wrapped his arms around his waist. Merlin tore away his eyes and focused on straightening the bedsheets.

"Will that be all Sire?"

"Yes Merlin you can go now."

Merlin bowed and left. He knew he shouldn't stare at Arthur like that, especially when he was about to take his wife to bed. He knew what he feels his wrong. He knew shouting out Arthur's name in his own moment of pleasure is wrong. He knew the idea of him and Arthur was wrong.

If Arthur even suspected about his feelings, he would end up on the stocks in no time. Arthur loved Gwen and Gwen loved Arthur. How could he even dream of destroying something so beautiful? They both were his best friends and he can't do this to either of them.

Arthur has already been very disappointed in him when he found out that Merlin didn't tell him about his magic, he can't even imagine his reaction if Merlin ever suggests something so vile and disgusting.

 _No_. He would keep his eyes to himself. He would appoint another servant to Arthur. He can use magic openly now, there was no need for him to clean and cook for the King.

He had sworn an oath to himself to always protect Arthur, and therefore it was only reasonable that he take away the biggest threat to Arthur's happiness- _Merlin_.


	2. Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen wakes up thinking about Morgana. Arthur wakes up with Merlin's name on his lips. Merlin isn't sure how to break Arthur's heart. And Morgana just wants Gwen back. Arthur and Merlin eyefuck and Gwen and Morgana almost fuck.

"Rise and shine!"

As light entered into their room, Gwen opened her eyes a squint, to see an adorable grin above them.

" _Merlin_." Arthur murmured, one of his arms wrapped around Gwen's waist.

"Sorry Sire, but your knights are waiting for you. I'll get your breakfast!"

Gwen thought Merlin looked oddly cheerful today before she glanced down at Arthur. She stifled a laugh. Arthur was still asleep and it turns out he's been muttering Merlin's name in his sleep, instead of scolding him.

Gwen wondered if Merlin knew how often that happened. How many times she woke up in the middle of the night just to see the King muttering his servant's name in his sleep. She also wondered how many times Morgana woke up muttering the Queen's name in her sleep. The Pendragons had serious sleep problems.sw

She shouldn't think about her. Definitely not when Arthur looked so beautiful lying next to her in the morning light. They didn't have sex last night, they rarely had sex now. But most nights, they did sleep together. Just wrapping their arms around each other, holding each other, trying to ignore their most primal instincts- _the want to shag a certain witch or warlock._

"Arthur," Gwen said gently, running her fingers down Arthur's face. "Wake up."

"Hmm." Arthur grumbled.

"Arthur, come on. A king shouldn't be sleeping so late."

"Yes, hm, king.." Arthur continued mumbling.

"Breakfast. My Lord." Merlin was back, again looking oddly cheerful.

"Merlin!" Arthur's eyes flew open at his voice.

"Right after waking up." Merlin muttered.

Gwen knew that he thought that Arthur was always angry at him, but she knew he was just excited to see him the first thing in morning.

"What time is it?" Arthur said sitting up.

"Time for you to be responsible." Merlin said cheekily.

Arthur took one apple out from his breakfast tray and threw it at Merlin. Merlin dodged it just in time.

Gwen rolled her eyes and got up from the bed to leave. She always felt like she was prying on something sacred whenever she was alone with the both of them.

"I'll leave you boys to your toys." She smiled and left for her own chambers, located just near Arthur's. She was glad a Queen was allowed to have her own chambers, because she and Arthur would not have tolerated each other all day long.

*******

Arthur watched Gwen leave, leaving him alone with Merlin. Did she often do this on purpose? If she did, then he was glad he married her.

He looked back to see Merlin standing by his bedside, staring intensely at him.

He startled. "What is it Merlin?"

"Um.. there is something..I.."

"Will you keep stuttering like a halfwit or just spit it out because I don't have all day." Arthur said picking up a sausage.

"Well, I was wondering.."

"What?"

"That you should get up from the bed because I have to change the sheets."

Arthur dropped the sausage and looked at him.

"No."

"What do you mean by _no_?"

Arthur was suddenly scared. _Had Merlin caught on to him?_ He never let Merlin change the sheets because if he did, he would see that the King and the Queen weren't performing their nocturnal duties of producing an heir.

"I mean that Gwen's servant girl changes the sheets and she has been doing it for months. What has gotten into you?"

They had told the servant girl that Merlin was responsible for changing the sheets. They just changed the sheets themselves so that no one will discover their secret.

"Oh yeah forgive me My Lord, I forgot." Merlin said and ran out of the chambers.

Arthur rolled his eyes and dug back into his breakfast.

***

 _Such an idiot!_ Merlin thought as he came out of Arthur's chambers. _Why did he ask about the sheets?_ The stupid sheets. Arthur never lets him touch the sheets after he got married. Maybe he did suspect Merlin of something. Maybe he didn't want to hurt Merlin by showing him the proof of his love for his wife every morning. Or maybe he believed that Merlin was in love with Gwen. Arthur was definitely dense enough to believe that.

Why couldn't he just say the words? _I want to leave your service. I cannot be your servant anymore because everytime I dress you I'm tempted to undress you again. Everytime I pour out your bathwater, my eyes can't help but travel to the course hair below your navel. I am not in control around you._ No, he should definitely leave the last part out, no matter what Arthur suspects.

"Watch where you're going Merlin!"

A shrill voice tore through Merlin's thoughts. He had been so immersed into his thoughts that he had walked right into Morgana walking in the opposite direction in the corridor.

"Mor- Morgana." He stammered.

"Merlin."

"Good morning." Merlin said, although it wasn't.

"Yeah sure." He heard Morgana mutter.

"What?"

"What?"

"What did you say?"

"I said it surely is a good day." Morgana was a very bad actress.

"Yeah okay." Merlin said, regarding her.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Um I'm gonna go now." Morgana said after an awkward pause.

"Yes me too I've got so much chores to do and.." He trailed off. Morgana had already moved past him.

Merlin watched her go. He knew she was going to Gwen's chambers.

Even though Morgana had redeemed herself and apologized to everyone for what she did, there was still some tension between her and Merlin. He didn't know it was the fact that he had tried to poison her or the fact that they had kissed once and neither of them cared to mention it after.

*******

" _My Lady_." Morgana said, bending down in mock gesture.

"Stop it." Gwen rolled her eyes, but there was a smile on her face.

"Is respecting my Queen wrong?" Morgana smirked, entering her chambers.

"I never see you showing the same respect to the King."

"Respect is earned." Morgana said strolling over to the dressing table where Gwen was standing. "And besides Arthur's not the one who I have fu-"

Gwen cleared her throat loudly as her servant girl Alayane entered her chambers, with a comb.

"-furiended." Morgana said loudly. She had of course intended to say something else, but she figured it would not sit well with the servants that someone is talking about the Queen this way.

"Good save." Gwen whispered.

Morgana smiled. It had been a bad morning for her, waking up with another of her nightmares, shouting Gwen's names. She knew she had to find Gwen right away. She always made everything better. But she would not tell her about her dream. She didn't want Gwen to think of Morgana as some pathetic woman who was so dependent on her. Just seeing Gwen was always enough.

"So what brings you here this early in the morning? You usually stay up late."

"I- I just needed a friend." Morgana said, sitting down on Gwen's bed, watching Alayne comb Gwen's hair. Morgana missed those soft curls.

"You wanna go out today? On a picnic? Just the ladies."

"I knew you wouldn't be able to tolerate Arthur for this long."

Gwen's eyes met Morgana and then flickered slightly to her servant to warn her. But Morgana rolled her eyes. If anyone was allowed to talk trash about the king, it was Morgana. And of course, Merlin, who can get away with anything concerning Arthur.

"I would love to." Morgana was excited. " Just you and me."

"And the servants." Gwen added.

Morgana didn't know why she did that. _Did she not trust Morgana enough to be alone with her? Did she expect Morgana to jump on her and tear away her clothes as soon as they were alone? Or was she so afraid of their past that she had started becoming too conscious around the servants?_

Whatever it was, Morgana now knew that it would bother both of them the whole day. Niether of them would be able to say it because Gwen just refuses to be alone with her. It was always someone or something, which always broke Morgana's heart a little bit. There is no feeling worse than the only friend you have pushing you away.

*******

"Sire?"

"Yes Leon I'm listening."

Arthur was _not_ listening. He had almost dozed off on the Round Table to Leon's rambling about their secret systems.

"Are you sure?" Leon said nervously. "Because it seems like you were-"

"No, it was just a fly in my eye." A snort from the end of the table. "Please continue."

As Leon started again, Arthur saw Merlin trying to control his laughter. One look from Arthur was enough to shut Merlin up but Arthur was awake now. Something about Merlin smiling at him had made him feel something in his stomach. _Butterflies_ \- is that what the maidens called it?

"And then the caves which go underneath the river and into the-"

Arthur realized he was drifting off again, not to a land of sleep, but a land of dreams. Where he and Merlin were-

"No!"

Everyone looked at him. At least Sir Leon had finally shut up.

"My Lord?" Gwen rested a hand on his. "Is everything okay?"

"No. I mean, yes! I just meant that we can't build a passageway to the.. to the-" What was it that Leon was talking about again?

"The river?" Elyan raised an eyebrow.

"Yes the river because.. um, because.." _Damn it, why was this so difficult?_ Arthur had managed to unite the five kingdoms but a stupid crush on a stupid boy would be his undoing.

"Because?" Gwaine asked.

Now everyone was looking at him concerned. Like they all thought that he was going crazy.

"Because they're infested with leeches." A voice came from the same end, saving him.

Arthur looked up to see the source of the voice and of course it was-

"Merlin." Gwen said. "Are you sure about the leeches?"

"Yes My Lady. Me and Gaius found a strange color in the river and then we took a sample and tested it. Right Gaius?"

Arthur saw Merlin pass a meaningful look to Gaius, leading to Gaius agreeing with them. Leon continued again. Merlin looked back at Arthur, raising a triumphant eyebrow, clearly implying _you owe me one_. Arthur showed him the finger by pretending to scratch his nose with that finger. Merlin's eyes glowed and Arthur's elbow fell of the table. Arthur cleared his throat when everyone started looking at him again with the same concern. He shot Merlin another look, which clearly said _you're_ _dead_. Merlin just smiled at him. Arthur smiled back. Their threats and smiles continued as Leon rambled on again for another 45 minutes. They never once took their eyes away from each other. It was the best meeting Arthur had been to.

***

"This is nice, isn't it?" Gwen said, getting off from her horse, smelling fresh flowers of the wild.

"Anything is better than the extremely boring meetings Arthur subjects us to daily." Morgana bent down to pick some flowers.

"Don't be too harsh on him." Gwen motioned Alayane to set up the sheets and food here. "I think all his duties are taking a toll on him."

Morgana laughed. "You mean when he dozed off at his own table? That is typical Arthur. Remember how he dozed off when we were kids and Uther made us sit at the court to learn?"

Gwen smiled. Looking at Morgana laughing so freely again reminded her of the older Morgana.

"Alayane. You and the knights go and have the day off. Me and the Lady Morgana can take care of ourselves." Gwen gave her servant the order as soon as she was done setting everything up.

Morgana threw a surprised glance at her. "Are you sure?"

"Why? Do you believe you aren't strong enough to protect me?" Gwen smirked.

"Of course My Lady." There was something in Morgana's expression- a certain kind of gratefulness, as she saw the servants and knights leave. Gwen wasn't sure why she did that. Most of the times, she was afraid to be alone with Morgana because she knew how hard it was to control herself from touching her all over again. Morgana didn't know how bad she still wanted to run her hands all over her body, over her soft breasts and her taught stomach and then the warmth between her-

_She should stop thinking about it._

"These are for you." A bunch of purple flowers were suddenly in her face.

"Flowers?" Gwen laughed.

"Purple suits you." Morgana smiled at her.

"Would you be so kind to put them in my hair then?" Gwen said, turning away from Morgana, her back to her.

Gwen shuddered as Morgana's breath cane on her neck. "Of course My Lady." Morgana's body was suddenly too close to her. She could feel the warmth radiating off it as Morgana's hands moved to her hair. Gwen took a deep breath and leaned back just a little. Morgana's breasts were brushing against her back as her fingers worked into her hair. Morgana's nose was almost buried in her hair. _What was she doing?_ And why was Gwen letting her do this. Arthur may not be in love with her but he had honored her enough to not pursue his feelings for someone else. She can't do this to him.

"Morgana." Gwen whispered. They were standing too close now. Their curves fit perfectly together. Morgana's smell was intoxicating her.

"Morgana." Gwen said again, this time a bit louder.

"Gwen." Morgana whispered in her ears as her hand wrapped slowly around Gwen's waist.

It would be so easy. She can turn back, kiss Morgana full in the lips and take her right there and then. She took Morgana's hand in her hand. Their fingers were entangled now. She has to take just one step-

 _Arthur_. A small voice spoke in her mind.

Gwen yanked Morgana's hand away and ran. She didn't know where she was going, She couldn't hear Morgana's voice, shouting after her. She didn't care about the tears falling on her face. She just kept running, until her legs couldn't carry her anymore and she collapsed.


	3. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Morgana feel a string of emotions after what happened between them in the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is purely a Gwen × Morgana chapter.

"GWEN!" Morgana's shrieks cut through the air.

"GWEN!"

 _No, don't listen. It's wrong. She'll go away._ Gwen kept telling herself. She had no idea how far she has run or where she was right now. She could feel blood trickling down from her arms where branches had scratched them. Her dress was torn up everywhere.

"GWEN!!"

_It'll go away._

*******

Morgana couldn't believe herself. She couldn't last one moment alone with Gwen. _How could she do this again? Do this to her own brother? She might lose her forever now._ She thought as she ran hopelessly through the forest, calling out for the woman she loved.

*******

_Why_? Why was it so hard to resist Morgana? Even when she had gone bad, everyone, especially Arthur had warned her to not go looking for Morgana. But Gwen had gone anyway. She had searched for her for weeks before finally founding Morgana. Morgana had used magic on Gwen, tried to push her away but Gwen kept coming back and one day, Morgause's spell on Morgana was finally broken. They had cried into each other's arms.

When Gwen returned, things were never the same between her and Arthur. Morgana's return, Merlin's magic revelation and Arthur's struggles to accept the both of them took a toll on their marraige. Often times, Arthur was too tensed to perform in bed. He kept apologizing but Gwen forgave him every time. She slowly started realising that it didn't matter to her anymore.

But she also didn't understand why she pushed Morgana away like that. Was Arthur the only reason? Or was she too scared to admit, even to herself, that she was still scared of Morgana. Scared that she would turn her back against them again. Scared that she would hurt Gwen again. Scared that she would again become a prisoner of her own mind and even Gwen wouldn't be able to free her again.

*******

"Please come back Gwen." Morgana whispered to herself as she sat down on the rough ground. She put her head between her knees and started crying.

  
She only had herself to blame this time. Gwen was always assuring her that it was not her fault that she had turned against them, that it was Morgause who had charmed her. It took a while for Morgana to believe her and stop hating herself, but _this time_? No one had charmed her. No one had forced her to lay her hands on the Queen. _How could she forgive herself this time?_

*******

Gentle drops of rain started falling on her face. Gwen sat up. Morgana's cries had long faded. _Had she gone back and abandoned Gwen here?_ Did she perhaps think that staying away from Gwen was her best option? Why had Gwen pushed her away?

*******

_No, I cannot be weak again. I have to find her. I made a promise to protect her. I might have broken her heart again, but I will make sure no harm comes to her in my protection. I will beg for her forgiveness and stay out of her way forever._

Morgana stood up again. Her eyes glowed and she saw a path in the forest. Why hadn't she done that before?

*******

Gwen didn't know how many hours it has been since she has been here. The cuts were hurting now and her stomach rumbled. She has to get up.

Gwen struggled to get on her feet, which were asleep now after hours of lying in the same position.

"Need some help?" A quiet voice said from behind her.

All pain gone, adrenaline took over her and she finally got on her feet, ready to run again.

"Gwen, it's me."

Gwen turned around.

"You- you came back?"

"I never left."

Morgana's eyes were swollen and her hair messed up and yet she looked so beautiful. In that moment Gwen knew. She may have hurt her in the past, and that too unknowingly and unwillingly, but she has also been the one to love her the most. She may be trouble, but she was worth everything and more. She had to tell her right then and there. _Screw_ her sham of a marraige.

"Morgana, about what happened before-"

"I am sorry. It will never happen again." There was steel in Morgana's voice. "Can you trust me?"

"Yes." Gwen finally said. What was meant to be a life changing moment in Gwen's life was nothing more than a moment of weakness for Morgana. _How could she have been such a fool?_ Gwen thought has they made there way back to the palace, walking at a safe distance from each other.


	4. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened between Arthur and Merlin when Gwen and Morgana were out in the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A merthur chapter. Kiss and angst :D

"I cannot believe I had to save your arse again." Merlin chuckled as he followed Arthur into his chambers.

"One more word about it Merlin," Arthur said, turning around, "and I'll have your head."

Merlin got quiet.

Arthur turned away and started walking to his table but stopped when he heard Merlin mutter, "Make sure you keep awake during my beheading, _Sire_."

Merlin started running as soon as he saw Arthur turning around again but Arthur caught him from behind.

"You sometimes seem to forget who I am Merlin." Arthur took both of his wrists in his hand and pushed him against a wall.

"I would take you seriously if your threats actually meant anything." Merlin's voice was muffled as Arthur's fingers dug into his face, keeping it pressed to the wall.

"You are at my mercy _now_ , aren't you?" Arthur whispered into his ears, earning a whimper out of Merlin.

"One glow of my eyes and we'll see who is begging for mercy." Merlin was wiggling now, trying to get out of Arthur's iron grip.

"Sorcery is cheating, Merlin."

"Fine." Merlin snapped. "I'm no equal to you in strength, you win. Now release me." Arthur was standing too close to him now, his scent all over him. He tried to wriggle his wrists free but Arthur grip only became stronger.

"Come on, don't put yourself down like that. Learn to fight back." Arthur pushed himself against him, closing any distance that was left between them.

"No."

Arthur laughed."Don't be a _girl_ , Merlin. I am ordering you to fight back."

"As you say, My Lord." Merlin lost his patience and pushed his arse against Arthur's hips, making him jerk. Arthur immediately stepped back, releasing him.

"What happened, _Sire_?" Merlin smirked, turning around to face Arthur. "Didn't like the way I fight?"

"You cannot.. you cannot do that!"

"You wanted me to fight back!" Merlin's voice was as loud as Arthur's.

"You mean to tell me when an enemy has you in their grip and you cannot use magic, you'll start behaving like a _whore_?"

"So you mean to tell me you're used to pushing your enemies against a wall and start touching them like a whore?"

"I don't remember doing anything unusual." Arthur looked away. "I do this with the knights all the time during training."

"Oh really?" Merlin stepped closer to Arthur. "So you stand so close to them, with only a hair's breadth distance between you and whisper in their ears during training?"

"Y-yes." It was Arthur's turn to be intimated by how close Merlin was standing to him.

"Do you also do _this_?"

Merlin never knew what gave him the confidence to do that, but he finally closed the distance between him, took and Arthur and kissed him full on the lips. He couldn't pull back. He wanted to breathe him in. He wanted to drink Arthur from his lips.

"Sire!" A loud knock and Arthur pushed him off so quickly Merlin didn't have time to comprehend what happened. He stumbled back and saw Gwaine entering the chambers, all breathless.

"Her Majesty and the Lady Morgana have still not returned from the forest."

Arthur, who looked like he had been in a trance until now, appeared to have woken up.

"Send all the patrols to the forest now!"  
There was anger in his eyes. His lips were swollen and he looked utterly debauched.

Merlin realized what he had just done.

"Arthur-"

But Arthur was already leaving his room.

*******

Merlin knows that he should hate himself for what he had done. And he knows guards would be bursting at his door at any moment, now that Gwen and Morgana had been found, to take him to the stocks. Or maybe Arthur is coming himself to cut his head off.

He knew himself that it was wrong. Even if Arthur wasn't married or not a King, it was wrong. Boys shouldn't be kissing boys. That's what everyone told him when he tried to kiss Will when they were both kids.

But the tingling sensation in his tummy refused to go away. _Butterflies_. Arthur would have mocked him relentlessly if he ever heard that Merlin was feeling butterflies for someone. If this is what kissing Arthur Pendragon actually feels like, then Merlin was willing to risk a thousand deaths just to feel it again.

 _But was it worth losing Arthur altogether?_ He might never forgive him after today. Maybe Merlin should throw himself at his feet and beg him to not end their friendship. Then again, he might have made Arthur completely loose his trust in him. And that was, again, worse than a thousand deaths. So Merlin finally set out to do what he should've done weeks ago.

*******

Merlin had kissed him. _Merlin_ had kissed _him! Butterflies_. There were definitely butterflies. He had been so happy that even his wife's and sister's temporary disappearance wasn't able to spoil his mood. _Which was nothing to be proud of, but still._

It was nightfall now and Gwen was sleeping in her own chambers today. She and Morgana had explained that they got lost on the way but there was some tension between them and Arthur wondered whether something happened between them too..

He should go find Merlin. He hadn't seen him after what happened today. Perhaps he shouldn't have pushed him away so hard. He cursed himself for worrying about his face in front of the people instead of Merlin. He should go apologize. But what will he say? _I am sorry I pushed you away but I've actually been in love with you since quite some time now and therefore, you should become my mistress because my wife is shagging my sister anyway._

No, he could do better. Maybe he should kiss him again. This time show him how much he wants to claim him. Or maybe he should go to him and find out what he has to say first.

 _Yes that's better._ Arthur thought as he opened the doors of his chambers to step outside and was greeted by a face with large ears staring up at him. Merlin's hands were closed in a fist near Arthur's face. He was going to knock just before Arthur had opened the doors.

" _Merlin_! Come in."

Arthur stalked back to his chair, listening to Merlin's footsteps following him.

"So?" Arthur leaned back against the table and raised an eyebrow.

"I want to.."

"You want to?" Arthur said in anticipation.

"I think I should leave."

"What?" Arthur was completely taken aback.

"I want to leave your service. I want to leave Camelot."

"Why?"

"I don't fit in anymore." Merlin murmured.

Arthur knew the power he held over Merlin. And even though he was the most powerful sorcerer, he had remained in Arthur's service, following his every order. Arthur never questioned why before but now he wondered if Merlin hadn't found in himself to believe that they were equals. And maybe this is why he might have felt obliged to fulfill his every order, _every desire._

"If this is about what happened today-"

"It was wrong Arthur." Merlin kept his eyes down and refused to look at Arthur. "I know it. Please forgive me."

_Please forgive me for not reciprocating your feelings..._

So his suspicions were true. Merlin was very curious. He might have noticed Arthur's looks, the clean sheets, the way Arthur touched him today and put two and two together. Arthur never knew how intimidating he might have been to Merlin. He had coerced him into doing something that he obviously felt was very wrong.

"No, forgive _me_ Merlin. You can leave whenever you want." Arthur turned away from him. He could feel his eyes filling up.

"Gaius is on a village trip but he will be back in two days. I will leave after saying goodbye to him. You will not see me again." At least Merlin was finally standing up to him.

He heard his footsteps receding till he was out of his chamber, leaving Arthur very cold.

*******

_It had to be done._ He didn't want to feel Arthur's pity on him. He can imagine Arthur's eyes always telling him, _I know how you feel but I cannot feel the same way. But I will still keep you around so that you will not be alone._

He will never return to Camelot again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there is again a lot of confusion and misinterpretation of feelings, but things will fall in place soon ;)


	5. Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Morgana are heartbroken from what happened with Arthur and Gwen and they just want an outlet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to hate Arthur in this chapter so brace yourselves ;)

"Merlin! Merlin wake up!"

Merlin opened his eyes to see a pair of different colored eyes staring at him. He had fallen asleep on the table, reading.

 _Morgana_.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Merlin rubbed his eyes. He didn't know what time it was. He had stopped caring.

"I need Gaius. Where is he?" Morgana walked around in the chambers, as if hoping to see Gaius hiding behind a cupboard.

"He's not here."

"Then _where_ is he?" Morgana looked unusually tense today. She has been looking this way since she returned from her picnic with Gwen.

"He's gone to a village. They were infected with plague and he wanted to help." Merlin said, getting up and putting away the books on the table.

"When will he be back?" Morgana stopped searching and came to stand near Merlin.

"In a day or two."

"I can't wait that long!"

"Tell me about it." Merlin muttered. He had already started packing his stuff and couldn't wait for Gaius to come back so he could leave. He didn't want to see Arthur's face again.

"What? What was that?"

"Nothing. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Morgana considered him. "No. I will leave you to.. whatever it is that you were doing."

Morgana turned back and started to walk away but Merlin grabbed her wrist and turned her around again.

"You can talk to me." Under normal circumstances, Merlin would never have dared to touch Morgana like that, especially after what happened between them years ago, but right now, he needed someone, anyone to talk to, to take his mind off Arthur.

Morgana looked surprised at the way he had touched her but she didn't pull back.

"You wouldn't understand."

"But I can still listen."

Morgana kept looking at him. They were both aware about how her wrist was still in Merlin's grip.

"Do you wanna sit down?" Merlin asked, gesturing to his room.

Morgana nodded.

They both sat down on the edge of his bed, maintaining a _respectful_ distance from each other.

"I am having nightmares again." Morgana said finally.

"Do you see someone dying again?"

"No. These are different. I don't see the future. I see," Morgana took a deep breath. "my past."

"Those are the worst kind." Merlin whispered.

Morgana tilted her head to look at him and smiled. "You say the wisest things sometimes."

Merlin shook his head. "You know, no medicine can cure what's inside your mind."

"Medicines have never helped me Merlin."

"What about the ones Gaius used to-"

"They did nothing to me. My only cure was.." She trailed off.

"Was?" Merlin pestered.

Morgana sighed. "Gwen."

"Gwen?"

"She used to hold me all night long, helped me calm down. I had never pushed her away when I shouldn't have."

A sudden realization hit Merlin. All their looks and smiles, Gwen was the one who had saved Morgana, over and over again. She was Morgana's anchor. _She was Morgana's.._

"You and Gwen.." He begin slowly.

"Yes." Morgana said quietly. "It was long before she fell in love with Arthur."

"Did Arthur know?"

"I think he suspected us. He even used to tease me about it sometimes."

Merlin didn't say anything. Maybe this was why Arthur was sympathetic to his feelings. He didn't believe that boys falling for boys or girls falling for girls was wrong.

Morgana looked at him. "You're not judging me."

"I am in no place to judge you." Merlin chuckled.

"I have seen the way you look at _him_ Merlin."

_Did everyone know about his feelings?_

"I am leaving. I don't want to hurt him or Gwen."

"I understand. In fact, I am the only one who understands."

Merlin looked back at Morgana. They never really talked about what happened all those years ago. Merlin had gone to give some flowers to Morgana because she wasn't feeling well and one thing had led to another and they had kissed. Merlin had run away and Morgana never mentioned it again.

"I should have told you. About my magic. I should've trusted you."

"It's all in the past now."

He didn't know when Morgana had shifted so close to him. There thighs were practically touching now.

"So you have forgiven me? For everything?"

They both knew what _everything_ meant.

"As I said," She again shifted towards him. "it's all in the past."

Their faces were inches away from each other. Merlin had never noticed how much she resembled Arthur before.

"In fact, I wouldn't mind if you repeated some of your mistakes again."

And for the second time in two days, Merlin leaned down to kiss a Pendragon, knowing again that he's going to regret it later.

*******

Morgana didn't know what she was doing. It's true that she used to have a crush on Merlin when he first came to Camelot. But she had gotten over it quickly, owing to the fact that he had tried to poison her. But she had grown to forgive him eventually.

Things had been awkward between them since then, but today it was different. She just needed someone to understand, to vent out to. And right now, as she tugged on his hair to pull him closer, she could feel their frustrations turning into desires. Their desires for someone else, that they were executing in each other.

She wanted all of Merlin. His hands were all over her body, baring her more and more with his every touch. She lied back on the bed, pulling him on top of herself. He paused to look at her. "Are you sure about this?"

"No. But I want this as much as you want to. _Please_."

He leaned down to kiss her.

*******

Arthur had been restless since two days. Even though he knew that Merlin was still in Camelot but he had refused to see him. Another servant has been assigned to him which was more than Arthur could bear. He didn't even want to look at Gwen anymore. It was not her fault, but she didn't help either. Nothing did. All he did was train harder and harder, his sword a great way to escape his mind.

As he was going to enter the armoury, he heard Merlin's name. His heart skipped a beat, maybe Merlin has come to say goodbye to the knights. He pressed his ears to the door.

"-and Merlin were going at it." Gwaine was saying.

Arthur froze. Had Gwaine actually seen them when he walked in on them kissing?

"Wait! Merlin and- No way!" Elyan said.

"I am telling you it's true. You should hear the noises they were making."

_Had he actually been moaning when Merlin kissed him? He couldn't believe he had been so pathetic-_

"Merlin and the Lady Morgana! Who would've thought that magic was not the only thing they shared!" Percival's words were followed by a roar of laughter.

"Yes. They were also sharing a bed!" Gwaine said.

"Yes Gwaine you don't have to explain Percival's joke." Leon said.

But Arthur had stopped listening. He was already making his way back to Gaius's.

*******

Arthur had no idea why he was so angry. Both of them have a hundred per cent right to sleep with whosoever they want. But Merlin should've known the consequences of sleeping with such a high ranking lady. She was not to be the subject of the knights' and servants' gossips.

" _Merlin!_ "

Merlin came rushing out of his room hearing Arthur's voice.

He looked at him. "Arthur."

His eyes looked baggy, like he hasn't slept for the past few days. Even then, Arthur couldn't help but notice how attractive he was. _How do you wanna fight someone so bad, but also wanna fuck them at the same time?_

"How could you?" Arthur strode over to where Merlin was standing.

"What's wrong?"

"How could you sleep with my _sister_?" Arthur shouted in his face.

"We both consented." Merlin said calmly.

"I don't care Merlin. Everyone is talking about you two. I won't let anything stain her honor." Arthur lowered his voice now. "Not even _you_."

"I don't serve you anymore Arthur. I don't have to answer to you."

Merlin turned to walk away but Arthur drew his sword and pointed it at Merlin.

"Don't you _dare_ walk away from me."

Merlin slowly turned around. He saw the sword pointed at him, and something in his eyes hardened.

"You crossed a line Merlin." Arthur didn't know what was wrong with him. All he knew was that he hated Merlin so much right now.

"Like I said, Arthur," Merlin said slowly. "I don't serve you anymore." He raised his arm and his hand was pointed directly at Arthur. 

Arthur was taken aback. He has only seen this look in Merlin's eyes when he was fighting enemies. To have that look directed at himself shattered Arthur's heart.

They stood like that for Gods know how long, with Arthur's sword and Merlin's outstretched hand pointed at each other, both of them refusing to back off.

Finally, Arthur put his sword down, stepped closer to Merlin, looked him in the eyes and said, "I never want to see you again."

He spat at his feet and left.


	6. Clearance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has banished Merlin from Camelot. Gwen came to say goodbye to Merlin. Morgana and Arthur confront each other on how much of a dumbass they both are being.

Gwen had to find him. _If I see him again I will execute him!_ She still couldn't believe these were Arthur's words. She didn't know what happened between them but she intended to find out before Merlin does something that's going to make Arthur regret forever.

"Merlin!" Gwen called out his name as soon as she entered Gaius's chambers.

"Gwen?" Merlin said with a shirt in his hand, in the middle of a fold. "What are you doing here?"

"You can't leave-" Gwen stopped mid sentence as soon as she saw a bag full of clothes near Merlin.

"Your concern is sweet, Gwen." Merlin smiled. "But I have to go."

"Merlin, please. Arthur didn't mean it, whatever it was. "

"You didn't see the look on his face."

"You know what he's like! He always let's his emotions take control of him. And you can pull him through that." She stopped herself from saying _ONLY you can pull him through that._

Merlin shook his head. "This time he knew what he was doing. That makes it worse."

Gwen didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. It looked like Arthur had broken Merlin's heart. Or maybe the other way around.

She walked closer to him. "Where will you go?"

"Probably back to Ealdor." He forced a smile. "My mother misses me. Do me a favor, would you?"

"Anything." Gwen said, taking his hand.

"Tell Gaius that I was very sorry for not saying goodbye to him. And take care of him for me, would you?"

"Merlin," She sighed. "Is there nothing that would change your mind?"

"Gwen, no King is going to forgive his servant for sleeping with his sister." He looked like he was regretting those words as soon as it came out of his mouth.

Gwen felt like she was unable to move. Her ears were ringing with _sleeping with his sister, sleeping with his sister, sleeping with his sister, Morgana and Merlin, Merlin and Morgana, slept together, together._

She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Gwen? Gwen!" Merlin's voice came from a thousand leagues away. He was squeezing her hand now.

"Listen it was nothing, okay? We just needed someone at the moment and the other was there. It meant nothing at all."

Gwen looked into his concerned filled eyes. Her own eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

"She.. how _could_ she?" She knew that Merlin didn't understand Morgana actually meant to Gwen and what he meant to Arthur. He has hurt them so bad and he probably didn't even know why.

"She was alone. As alone as me." Merlin whispered and then pulled her in for a hug. She didn't know what Merlin was talking about but his arms around her felt so good. She was sobbing openly in his chest now as his hands caressed her hair. He kept whispering _I am sorry._

"It's time for you to leave. Make sure Arthur doesn't see you." Gwen said, finally pulling back.

Merlin nodded.

*******

Morgana's eyes were on the table where food was kept for them. Arthur had invited her to lunch today to talk about something important.

She watched as his new servant, who looked like a poor replica of Merlin served the food on their plates. Arthur then gestured him to leave.

"You've got yourself a new servant." Morgana said. Arthur kept his eyes on the table, without touching his food.

"Mer-" He cleared his throat. " _He_ wanted to leave."

"You must be heartbroken." Morgana smirked. "Well at least he's here for a few days. I hope you're making good use of your time together." She knew this would make Arthur blushed.

"Well _you_ certainly made good use of your time with him." He looked at her with steel in his eyes.

_So he knew._

"We did have a good time together. Although we didn't have that good of a time that you heard us all the way over here."

"No I didn't. But many servants and knights certainly did."

Morgana threw her head back and laughed. "Oh Arthur! It's their job to gossip. They would move on from this in a few days, I assure you."

Arthur didn't return her smile. "Don't worry Morgana, I took care of it for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't be the talk of servants. I banished Merlin on the promise of execution."

"You did WHAT?"

"I saved your honor, _sister_."

Morgana didn't know when she has stood up.

"Who makes you responsible for my honor, Arthur? Who gave you the right to do that to him?"

"I am the King. I have every right to do whatever I please." Arthur's voice was still calm. "And he was leaving anyways, I just made sure he wouldn't return."

Morgana couldn't believe him. All those years of childhood he had never bothered her about who she wanted to date or sleep with. But now, he had banished his best friend because of this?

Then it suddenly dawned on her. _Merlin's feelings were never unreciprocated._

"If you really have a problem with everyone I sleep with, why haven't you banished your wife yet?"

It was Arthur's turn to stand up. "Your honour in this castle is already hanging by a thread Morgana. Be careful in what you go bragging about."

"Don't pretend you give a shit about my honour when you're just petty and jealous over something I did that you've wanted to, for a long time!"

Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again. He was shocked at her words. _Good_.

"Yes Arthur. You think none of us have noticed you pining after him like a virgin maid, but some of us have."

"You wanna take the high ground Morgana?" He said, ignoring her last words. "You used someone _I_ was in love with just because you can't get over my wife."

"I was trying to not break your heart. Again!" She shouted.

The anger vanished from Arthur's eyes.  
"I have forgiven you Morgana . A long time ago. We all have, and you need to believe that."

"I do. I just-" Morgana rubbed her forehead. "I didn't sleep with Merlin to get back at you. I didn't want to break Gwen's heart. I don't want to put her in a position where she has to choose between me and you."

"Morgana-" Arthur grabbed her shoulders gently. "There is no you _or_ me for her. She loves us both, but I can't give her what she wants only from you. And I want you both to understand that your happiness is not going to hurt me. You don't have to hold back from each other because of me."

"But she married you. She's in love with you!"

"You claim to be so intelligent but you failed to see something so obvious that has been in front of your eyes this entire time."

"What do you mean?"

"We are married and we love each other but we are not _in_ love with each other. We realized that as soon as you came back. And I'm not complaining. I'd rather have her as my Queen than some uptight Princess who will never understand how I feel."

"Gwen is still in love with me?"

"How about you ask her instead of eating my head?" There was a smile on Arthur's face now.

Morgana punched him lightly on his arm. She had to find Gwen right now. She had reached the door when suddenly she stopped and turned back.

"Arthur? Just so you know, the only reason Merlin slept with me because he wanted to forget _you_."

Arthur looked at her, his blue eyes large. "He-"

"So will you please stop being such a prat and go declare your love for him and stop him from leaving."

The blush on Arthur's face was deeper than the cherries on the table. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Morgana lowkey always suspected Arthur about his feelings, she never really gave it a lot of thought until now.


	7. Unions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There might be a little *smut* here..

Gwen has barely slept since they had returned from the forest. Her nights were restless, sleep a rare gem. Even lying in Arthur's arms didn't help. She sometimes caught him looking at her funny, but he didn't asked her about what was wrong with her. So has been spending most of her time lying down in her own chambers, getting out only to put on a happy face in front of the King's Council. Most of the times, she didn't even bother to open the curtains or light a candle. She had given strict instructions to her servant to not let anyone in without permission.

Morgana's rejection had hurt her bad enough but her choosing Merlin over her was like an arrow straight through her heart. She knew she wasn't supposed to blame Morgana, after all, Gwen was the one who was married. But no matter what she told herself, it didn't help. It just hurt so much. All she wanted was for Morgana to return to her, is that too much-

"My Lady!"

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden flash of light in her chambers, followed by the silhouette of her maid.

"Alayane?" Gwen said, sitting up on her bed and squinting, the light too much for her dark-adjusted eyes. "What is it?"

"There's someone here to see you. Shall I let them in?"

Gwen was in no mood to see any visitors today. All she wanted was to crawl back to the dark.

"No. Tell them to go away."

"B-but, she is insisting!"

"No one's 'insistings' hold any powers over the orders of Queen of Camelot! Tell her to go away." Gwen lost her patience.

"Not even the King's sister?" Another voice came from behind Alayane and Gwen saw a tall figure step beside her. Her features were illuminated by the light, the features which Gwen could recognise anywhere.

" _Morgana_." Gwen said softly.

"You can go now. I can take it from here." Morgana said to Alayane.

Alayane looked at Gwen for permission and Gwen nodded. She left, leaving them alone.

"What kind of hell hole are you living in?" Morgana said, entering the room.

"I didn't expect you to be here." She was suddenly conscious of her baggy eyes and completely messed up hair.

Morgana walked around and opened the curtains of her room. Then she walked up to Gwen's bed and said, "And where else would I be?"

"I don't know, maybe saying goodbye to your new lover?" Gwen said, sitting back against the headboard as Morgana sat on the edge of her bed.

"My new-" Morgana threw back her head and laughed. "So innocent Gwen."

Gwen raised her eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Besides I think we caused enough scandal the last time we met." Morgana continued.

"Yes I heard some rumors about your, um, _scandals_."

"I heard you were jealous." Her mouth was twisted into a smirk. _Has she changed her mind about Gwen again?_

"Morgana, I don't know what games you keep playing but I'm tired of it. I don't want you to think you want me and then leave me cold all over again."

Morgana looked at her. She pushed her feet up and came to sit beside Gwen.  
She ran a hand through Gwen's hair. Gwen shuddered.

"I don't want to leave you. I never wanted to leave you."

Gwen looked back at Morgana. "How do I know you won't leave again? And how can I expect you to _not_ leave? You can fool around with me as long as you want and then you will fall in love with someone who can actually be with you and it's what you deserve." She said it all in one breath.

"Gwen," Morgana said, her hand still in her hair. "You have absolutely no idea how special you are. I could spend a thousand lifetimes being in love with you and not have you return my feelings than spend even a day with someone else who is madly in love with me."

Gwen had forgotten how to breathe. The only thing she could feel was Morgana's words washing over her, drowning her in their serenity.

"I will live out my whole life here, in Camelot, just so I can always make sure you're safe. I will not marry, and I will never love someone else. There is nothing in my life which is worth more than you."

"You cannot give up everything for me." Gwen's eyes were beginning to fill now.

Morgana took her hand in hers. "My everything is you."

Gwen didn't know when her hands had sneaked behind Morgana's neck, pulling her closer. All she knew was that her lips were on Morgana's. Morgana responded with equal vigour. She pulled Gwen on her lap and snaked her hands around her waist. They didn't part their lips even once.

"Wait!" Gwen finally pulled back, panting. "The door is open."

Morgana's eyes flashed and the door shut close. "Don't interrupt us with mundane things again." She smiled.

"I love you so much. So much more than any word can describe or than any number can hold."

"I think we'd have enough poetry today." Morgana tried to tease her, but her eyes were filled.

Gwen smiled and pushed Morgana against the headboard. "But I don't think there's been enough of this though." She practically teared Morgana's dress at her bosom.

" _Guinevere_!" Morgana feigned a surprised look. "I like this shift of tone of your words."

"Enough talking now." Gwen said, putting her lips on Morgana's neck. She bit it, knowing she has left a mark. She wanted to claim Morgana everywhere. She has been hungry for too long.

Morgana's fingers fumbled with Gwen's laces at the back of her dress and when she got too frustrated, her eyes glowed and all their clothes were lying on the floor.

"That's cheating." Gwen smiled as her lips found Morgana's nipples, while one of her fingers found Morgana's sensitive spot.

"You- _ah!_ \- you like it!" Her fingers gripped Gwen's hair tightly.

Gwen was glad to know her fingers still held the expertise to get Morgana off from her paintings and moanings.

"Gwen!" She said, when Gwen finally pulled out her fingers, which were coated with Morgana's essence.

"Did you like it?" Gwen asked.

Morgana threw her down on the bed in response and climbed on top of her.

"I'm gonna show you how much I liked it." The smirk in her eyes returned as she slowly moved her mouth from Gwen's neck, to her breasts, to her stomach and then finally, down there. She licked the inside of Gwen's thighs.

"Morgana," She pulled on her hair roughly. "Stop teasing!"

"You have teased me for many months now. This is payback."

She groaned but Morgana finally took pity on her as her tongue finally found Gwen's undoing.

***

Morgana looked at Gwen lying in her arms. Sunlight was shining in her bronze and naked skin and she looked nothing less than a Goddess.

No matter how many times she has seen Gwen naked, she never failed to blow her away. And in that moment, she knew that she could worship this woman her whole life and never ask for anything else.


	8. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is finally regretting his decision as everyone wants to kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't like smut- there is smut in this chapter. 
> 
> For those who like smut- There might not be enough smut in this chapter.

_Why?_ Why has he always been this stupid? After all these years together, he still hasn't learnt how to read Merlin. Merlin, the biggest buffon he knew. _He may be powerful, but he was still a buffoon._

Arthur's head was filled with thoughts as he hurried his way to Gaius's chambers.

He couldn't have left so soon. Although he did remember telling him to be gone by today or he would have his head on a spike. Did Merlin actually believed him and left? And was Arthur really so blinded by hatred that he would've tried to hurt Merlin?

He didn't know the answer and nor was willing to find out anytime in his life. All he wanted was to find Merlin and beg for his forgiveness, even if he would have to do that on his knees. _Do you know how to walk on your knees?_ His first words to Merlin rang in his head. If only he'd known back then that this poor, lanky boy who has never owned anything other than two, maybe _three_ , shirts in his life would become the most important thing in his life, he wouldn't have been so rude.

But it was all in the past now. The only present that mattered was Merlin's forgiveness.

"Merlin!" He crashed open Gaius's door and walked in, only to find the room-

" _Empty_." He whispered to himself. He rushed into Merlin's room and it had been completely stripped of it's belongings. The cupboards were empty, the sheets had been removed. Even his scent was gone.

"Merlin!" Arthur again shouted and rushed out of the chambers. His footsteps were fast, and soon they broke into a run.

"Gwaine!" He reached the palace door to find Gwaine and the Knights huddled together, whispering among themselves. 

They all turned to look at him. Arthur was taken aback by the look in their eyes. Where there only had been respect before, there was.. _anger? Disdain?_ Arthur didn't have time to comprehend.

"Where is he?" He asked, panting.

"He's gone." Elyan said. "Like you wanted him to."

"How long ago did he leave?"

"Why? So you can punish him for not leaving soon enough?" Percival said. He had always been polite to Arthur, even when the others teased or messed with their King.

"I need an answer now!" They could take their anger out on him later.

"He left some time ago. He'd be far gone by now." Gwaine said.

"Where is he headed to?"

"Pardon me, Sire." Leon, who had been glaring at him all this while, finally spoke. "But we cannot tell you that. He's gone like you asked him to. We will not help you hunt him down."

And those words hurt Arthur the most. He and Leon have known each other since they were kids. Leon has always done everything for Arthur. He has carried out his every order without question, but he was finally refusing him now. For Merlin. In all his hate, Arthur had forgotten that Merlin was not only precious to him.

"I made a mistake Leon. I know that. But right now, I need you to tell me where is he." He was begging now. He had a feeling that he would be spending the next few months begging literally everyone in the castle to forgive him for trying to banish their favourite boy.

"Percival, Elyan," Arthur continued when Leon said nothing. "He is your friend. You can help me find him."

They shifted uncomfortably on their feet as of they were scared of refusing their King's request, but they kept their mouths shut and eyes away from Arthur's.

"Gwaine." Arthur took Gwaine by the shoulder and looked into his eyes. "You have been his closest friend. You know how alone and lost he will be without us. Help me save him."

Something in Arthur's voice must have finally convinced him because the next moment he was screaming to a nearby servant, "Prepare the King's horse for a long journey. He has to leave for Ealdor at once!"

*******

Merlin's eyes flashed as flames erupted into life in front of him. It was nightfall and he was in the forest, on his way back to Ealdor. He put his hands out to warm them, but he knew that even jumping in the fire will not put out the cold he was feeling in his heart.

His life had never been easy. He was used to surviving on the bare minimum, he was used to being the outcast. But Camelot had finally given him everything. Friends, family, Arthur.

He remembered how Gwen was the one of the first people to befriend him. He remembered how much she loved flowers and how happy it made her whenever he put one in her hair.

He remembered his and Morgana's odd friendship. How they were too different and yet too similar at the same time.

He had forgotten count of how many times Gaius had put his own life on line to guard Merlin's secret. His life on the line for this scrawny, odd kid to whom he owned nothing.

He was already missing how the Knights used to ruffle his hair and pull his cheeks. How they were always sympathetic to his rants about Arthur being a prat. How they treated him like a little brother. His magic reveal had barely done anything to put them off.

But he knew that most of all he would miss Arthur. His blue eyes, full lips, hair as bright as the sun. He will never forget how Arthur looked when he woke up in the morning, the sunshine dimming in front of his beauty. The way his lips pouted when he was upset, and the way his eyes shone whenever he was teasing Merlin. _The Once and The Future King._

Merlin closed his eyes and smiled to himself. Arthur may hate him now, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to make Merlin hate him back. It terrified Merlin, but at the same time, he knew he was lucky to love someone so much, something which very few achieve.

_Crack!_

Merlin's eyes flashed open as he sat up. _A wild animal? Bandits?_ He hoped it was something like that, something he could deal with easily. Because he was in no mood to fight sorcerers or any other magical creatures.

Another _crack!_ Someone was trying to sneak on him but was obviously not doing a good enough job of it. Merlin realized the fire had attracted more than fireflies.

The footsteps were becoming clearer now. The thick of the trees hid his attacker but Merlin was ready for them with his hand raised in front of him, a spell ready on the tip of his tongue.

He heard a sword ripping on the branches, as they tried to get through. As soon as he heard the footsteps come near Merlin whispered a spell and the attacker was thrown off his feet against a tree.

"Son of a bitch."

Merlin would recognise that voice anywhere.

"Arthur!" He said rushing to where Arthur was sitting up now, rubbing the back of his head.

"I guess I deserved that." He groaned.

"You clotpole! I could have killed you."

Merlin kneeled beside Arthur.

"But you didn't, eh?" He had a smile in his face.

_Wait, what? He had threatened to have his head just yesterday and now he was smiling at him?_

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"Why are you alone in the middle of the forest on a dark night? Where are your knights, your horse?"

"Well I saw a fire burning and probably thought it'd be better to quietly sneak up on enemies so I tied my horse somewhere back there." He said, pointing to the direction from which he had come. And as for the knights, I thought they deserved a break from me because they were too busy plotting ways to kill me."

"What? They turned against you? Did you have to run away from Camelot? We could go back and overthrow them and have you kingdom back. And we also will have to rescue Gwen, although I think Morgana might have her safe somewhere, but what about Gaius and-"

" _Merlin_." Arthur's hand covered Merlin's lips. "Stop talking."

Merlin was out of words. He was aware of the close proximity he was in with Arthur and how his sword-calloused palms felt like on his lips.

"Camelot is still my Kingdom and everyone is safe. The only reason the Knights wanted to kill me was because I banished you!"

_So he was forced to come here._

"And I know what a prat I have been. Ip was just angry that you slept with Morgana. Angry and jealous."

_Jealous? Was Arthur harbouring some creepy feelings for his sister?_

"Jealous of Morgana."

 _That makes sense_ , Merlin thought but suddenly his eyes widened as it struck him.

"Mlphh" Merlin whimpered in Arthur's hand. Arthur removed it.

"You didn't like me sleeping with someone else?"

"No. I know it's not fair but I can't bear to see you with someone else. I always thought you'd be around me, always serving me. And the moment I heard that someone else was becoming a part of your life, a part which I've always to play, I lost all sense." Arthur took a deep breath and continued. "Will you forgive me?"

He looked into Arthur's eyes, which were Merlin's most beautiful weakness. How can anyone deny anything to those eyes? 

  
And before he knew, he was leaning down to Arthur's level and for the second time this week, their lips met again. But unlike the last time, Merlin wasn't gentle. He had waited too long. Just a few moments ago, he had believed that he would never see those lips again, but here they were. He wasn't ready to let them go again. If he could, he would take Arthur right there and then.

"Easy." Arthur said finally when Merlin drew blood from his lips.

"I'm sorry." Merlin said, licking the salty taste on his lips.

"I am not complaining." Arthur stood up and offered him a hand. As soon as Merlin got up, he was pushed roughly against the tree. "I have waited long enough." Arthur whispered as he out his teeth on Merlin's ear. Merlin felt a tingle down his stomach as Arthur's mouth moved from his neck to his collarbone.

"You're still being too slow." Merlin said grabbing Arthur's hair and switching their position so that Arthur was against the tree. He didn't know where his strength was coming from, but he took Arthur's shirt in both of his hands and ripped them open, the buttons falling on the soft ground.

" _Impressive,_ Merlin." Arthur smirked.

"You don't know many of my talents yet, Arthur." Merlin said, running his tongue against one of his nipples, earning a shiver from Arthur. His hands were running up and down all over Arthur's body, touching all the spots he had ached for over the years, while dressing and undressing him.

Arthur gave a particularly loud moan as Merlin's hands reached below his stomach. Merlin chuckled against his chest.

"The only talents I want to see, Merlin," Arthur took Merlin's hair and pulled him up to meet their eyes, "is what that mouth can do."

Merlin smiled as Arthur pushed him down on his knees. He never let go of Merlin's hair as he became undone.

When Merlin got up again, Arthur looked completely flushed out, his head laid back against the tree, leaving his neck exposed.

"You should know," Merlin said as his mouth came to land on Arthur's neck, " _Sire_ ," his tongue tracing his jawline now, "that my mouth is not the only talented part that I have."

The shiver that passed through Arthur's body went straight below Merlin's navel.

He whispered a soft _I love you_ as their lips met again and the way Arthur grabbed him again, assured Merlin that he was saying it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, happy ending! But there's still epilogue to be done.


	9. Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue about what happened after both the couples got together.

Gwen stood at the head of the Round Table. All the Knights were standing around the table, in a sea of red. Morgana stood by her side.

"It has been six months My Lady." Leon started. "We believe it's time to-"

"I will _not_ move on." Gwen said, her voice deprived of any emotion.

"There has been no trace. We have searched lands, seas, nothing. It's like the sky has swallowed him."

"He is _somewhere_."

"My Lady." Gaius said gently. "Camelot needs a leader. With the King gone, the responsibility falls on your shoulder. You must take charge."

"I don't know how to fill his shoes." For the first time, she felt her voice breaking down.

"If there is anyone capable to take his place, it is you, Sister." Elyan said, from her other said. "We believe that and I know he believed it too."

"He was not just our King, he was also our friend. Camelot needs a noble and just leader, like him." Gwaine continued after Elyan.

"Gwen." Morgana finally said. "I hope that my brother found happiness wherever he is. And I think he'd want us to do the same too."

Gwen nodded at her. She wiped the few tears that had fallen on her face and hardened herself. "Spread the word that the King is dead. We will all mourn together."

"My Lady," Leon said. "There is something else."

"What is it?"

Leon hesitated. "Many.. many people believe that it'll be better if you remarry. In a strong Kingdom. So we can keep our enemies out. Our enemies might underestimate you, their attacks will increase."

"I will not re marry."

"You don't have to do it for love-"

"For love or power. I will not dishonor him like that. I am content to be King Arthur's widow for the rest of my life."

Leon nodded. He almost looked relieved that Gwen had decided not to marry. Gwen assumed he must have been forced by some of the knights and servants to bring this up, maybe because they didn't believe a woman can rule a kingdom all by herself. _She'll show them_.

"Besides I still have a Pendragon by my side." She turned to face Morgana. "I believe the Lady Morgana is more than capable to be my personal advisor. She'll always be by my side, correcting me if I am wrong."

"Always." Morgana smiled.

Gwen turned back to the knights and raised a glass. "To Arthur."

The room was filled with chants of _To Arthur! To Arthur!_ as everyone raised their glasses for their King one last time.

Gwen and Morgana made their way after the toast to her chambers. When they entered and the door was shut, Gwen took Morgana in her arms and said, "Finally."

Morgana smiled, "The wait was long, but you had to pretend to mourn. But all this is yours now."

"And yours." Gwen said as she kissed Morgana, knowing they were going to have very blissful years ahead.

***  
_**Six Months Earlier**_

_Arthur woke up on the soft ground of the forest with Merlin wrapped in his arms, after their first night together. He was sleeping peacefully, his mouth slightly parted open. Arthur couldn't resist him. He looked adorable sleeping. He kissed Merlin full on the mouth._

_"Mmm," Merlin said in a groggy voice, opening his eyes._

_"Wake up, Princess." Arthur whispered He propped himself up on his elbow._

_"Arthur." Merlin said, wrapping his arms around his neck._

_"Can't believe I have to wake you. You're getting awfully bad at your job." Arthur teased._

_"Shut up Arthur."_

_"The tables really have turned, haven't they?"_

_Merlin smiled as he nuzzled against his chest._

_"We should head back. I mean if you will allow me back inside your Kingdom,_ My Lord. _"_

_Arthur barely registered Merlin's last words. As soon as Merlin has talked about heading back, he was filled with a sudden dread. His head was suddenly filled with all the pointless battles, the boring meetings, the hard decisions, the constant need to hold up an image in front of everyone, the endless worry that if he takes one wrong decision, it might affect thousands of people. Besides, Merlin was here already. Gwen and Morgana might be there, but right now, nothing felt worth enough to go back._

_"Can we stay like this forever?" He asked._

_"Okay. We will just have to wait for wild animals to find us and then our forever will not be that long."_

_Arthur smiled. "No I meant, like_ this _. Just you and me. No duties, no responsibilities."_

_"You have a kingdom to rule Arthur."_

_"I know. Just.. just hold me, please."_

_Merlin pulled Arthur down and came to lie on top of him. He felt so weightless, he was nothing but a bag of bones. Arthur wrapped his hands around his waist._

_"I feel so trapped there Merlin. There is this constant need to impress, to not fail. But you make me feel so free. All these years of working under so much pressure, the only reason I never break is because of you."_

_Merlin's hair nuzzled Arthur's chin as he placed a light kiss in his chest. "You don't want to go back."_

_"I don't know what I want to do. I need time to think."_

_"You can have, what,a day? A week? They will come looking for you sooner or later."_

_"When will your talents come in handy,_ Mer _lin?"_

_"I thought I showed you some of my talents last night."_

_Arthur chuckled. "I meant_ magic _, you bumpkin."_

_"I can hide you for as much long as you want."_

_"But where will we go?"_

_"Well my mother quite likes you."_

_Arthur shook his head. "That will be the first place they check."_

_"Have you forgotten how you just asked me to use my magic?"_

_"You sure she will be okay with this?"_

_"She will be delighted."_

_"Good." Arthur stroked Merlin's back until he fell asleep again, on top of him._

Heaven _, was the last word Arthur thought as his eyes closed too._

***  
Days, weeks and then months passed but Arthur made couldn't convince himself to go back. That was okay with Merlin. He wanted to go back to meet Gaius, Gwen, and the Knights. He missed them. A lot. But they did come here to visit them sometimes. They had to make sure that no one followed them. _No one could know._

He did go back one time. Some weeks after they arrived here, the knights came and searched all of Ealdor for any trace of their King, Merlin disguised himself and went back. He revealed himself to Gaius, told him that he was happy. Gaius was sad to see him leave but he said he understood Arthur's decision.

Next he went to find Gwen. She didn't look shocked when he told her about Arthur. She said she knew he was always in too much pressure and was glad that he had found peace.

Things were no longer awkward between him and Morgana. She was positively glowing. She no longer had nightmares. She told him how she and Gwen got back together again. She was sad about Arthur leaving, though. After all, he was the only family she had.

The world believes King Arthur to be dead. But they don't know he he lives on a distant land, with his lover, learning how to farm. Merlin still found it funny that Arthur, who had never lifted a finger to do his own chores today, worked day and night to help his mother. She had adopted him like a second son. Merlin has never seen Arthur look so blissful.

Arthur was his world, he has been since the first time they met years ago. He was his other half and if something happened to him, Merlin would lose the whole of himself.

_After all these years of longings and sufferings, he and Arthur have finally found heaven, just as, he knew, Gwen and Morgana have._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Arthur's arc didn't seem to rushed? I based it off when he and Gwen were in a date and he told her that he wanted to run away with Merlin to live on a farm lol.
> 
> Also I'm thinking of adding another ending, an alternative one, for those of you who won't like this one.


	10. Ending (Alternate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter basically shows what happened after both the couples finally got together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like an alternate ending, so it should be read directly after Reunion. Just ignore the chapter before this(Ending) while reading this one.

**Six months later**

"Gwen.."

"Mmm"

"Wake up."

"No."

"It's time." Morgana whispered in her ear, leading Gwen to tighten her hold around Morgana.

They were lying in each other's arms and the first light if dawn has just come through the window.

Morgana pressed her lips to Gwen's temple. "Come on, love."

"Why has dawn arrived so soon?" Gwen said groggily.

"No amount of time spent with you is enough for me."

Gwen laughed. "Resorting to poetry this early in the morning?"

"Can I resort to kissing then?" Morgana kissed Gwen full on the lips, taking her all in.

After a long time, Gwen broke them apart, earning a whine from Morgana. "This is my least favourite part of the day."

"I know, but your _husband_ needs you." Morgana chuckled.

"And so does yours." Gwen's finally sat up. "I will see you tonight."

"Yes _Your Majesty._ " Morgana threw an arm over her forehead, watching Gwen leave. But she wasn't sad. She knew she'll see her, every night for the rest of their lives. _What more could she ever ask for?_

*******

Merlin rolled off from Arthur, panting. "Holy mother of - it's dawn already!"

Arthur propped himself on his elbow and looked out of the window. His blue eyes widened. "Did we stay up the whole night?"

"Um yes. Who knew we had so much energy?" Merlin smirked at him.

Arthur threw a pillow at him. "Well I was asleep until you woke me up in the middle of the night saying you needed-"

"You know I am needy Arthur. After all these months together and you still don't know me."

"I know for a fact that you are still annoying as hell." Arthur threw his head back on his pillow.

"I know you don't regret last night." Merlin leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Don't wake me up in the middle of the night again just because you were afraid of the thunder and wanted to cuddle."

"You spent the whole night whispering stuff into my ear, making sure I was not afraid. Who knew you were such a softie Arthur?"

"Shut _up_ Merlin."

"Yes _Sire_." Merlin said as their lips met again, essentially shutting them both up.

*******

_It's a new morning in Camelot and the court is set. At the head of the round table, stands the King with his Queen. On the Queen's side stands the King's sister. She is the Court Sorceress. On the King's other side, stands his ex-servant. He is the Court Sorcerer now. The Sorcerer married the Sorceress a few months ago. Now they always stand by Their Majestie's sides, protecting them from any harm. Magic reigns freely in Camelot. The subjects are happy with their rulers. The knights are happy with their leaders._

  
_But what they don't know is that when night gathers, the Sorcerer leaves his chambers to spend his night in the King's, while the Queen spends hers in the Sorceress'. This was the only reason the young Witch and Warlock decided to marry each other, an arrangement which benefits them both. The King and the Queen still love each other very deeply, even more now that they have finally found their soulmates. All is well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So which one did y'all like more? 
> 
> Also this book is finally done, so I wanna thank everyone who stayed till the end through this cringefest. Your support means a lot ♥️


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